


fading dreams

by genjisdanceemote



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Brainwashed Hanzo, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Loose Interpretation, M/M, Other, Rehabilitation, everyone is sad, exposition by journal/log entries, hanzo has forgotten everyone in overwatch, noncanon overwatch, talon kidnapped hanzo, they have to help him regain his memory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 11:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14308044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genjisdanceemote/pseuds/genjisdanceemote
Summary: Kidnapped, brainwashed, and knowing nothing of his life, Hanzo must adjust not only to life back on the Overwatch base, but to the people he used to know and love.It might be hard on Hanzo, but it’s hard on everyone else as they try to get Hanzo back to who he was before.***Log entries, journal entries, and person-to-person interaction will help tell the story of how Hanzo regains who he used to be.





	1. bringing him home

**Author's Note:**

> alright so i know this is kind of a weird concept but i thought i would give it a go.  
> i hope, despite this fics weird format, that whoever reads it enjoys it.  
> and sorry the first chapter is kind of short, it’ll pick up soon.  
> thanks so much for taking the time to read this!

_Log: #1_

_Date: January 15th_

_Subject: Shimada, Hanzo_

_Doctor: O’Deorain_

_Procedure: Memory wiping_

_Notes: Subject did not go easy. We managed to get to him in the midst of an Overwatch mission, when he was alone and away from the rest of his team. He put up quite a fight, but Reyes was able to…sedate him._

_He's the perfect candidate for the procedure I've been working on to make more efficient soldiers on Talon’s behalf._

_The memory wiping procedure was extremely successful on Lacroix; she no longer feels, remembers, or knows anything of her past life. She does not recognize even herself in old photos. With proper training, she will be a very big asset to our team._

_Our hopes with our next Subject is results of the same caliber._

_Subject has a rather troubled past and puts up a lot of fight; Perhaps I can keep the subconscious feelings around without the memories. It might make him an even better asset to us._

_I'm to begin the memory wipe tomorrow._

 

* * *

 

Hanzo wakes abruptly to the sound of commotion around him, medical equipment, and various voices. His heartbeat is pounding fast and hard in his chest all the way up to his head. His head feels like it might explode if he isn't careful. He shuts his eyes tightly, inhaling sharply, trying to combat the pain. He tries to get up, but he's stopped by straps all across his body. He tries again, but the straps stay tight. Suddenly, a woman hurries up to him, undoing all the straps.

“Come with me,” She murmurs, helping him to his feet. He stumbles, the world swirling around him, the floor seeming to fall from under him. But the woman continues to pull him. He finds it hard to keep his footing, but he still follows, not wanting to completely fall.

He can't tell if the room he's suddenly put in is blinding white or he can't see anything of color. When he looks at the woman who pushes him inside the room, he knows for sure he doesn't recognize her. She simply locks the door and leaves. Confused but unable to find the words to ask what's wrong, or who he is, he puts a hand on his forehead. He looks around the room, bewildered. His head was still killing him, and simply the act of seeing was making pain shroud his head and his mind. Instead of sitting on the bed in the room, he sits down in the corner, pulling his knees up to his chest. He shuts his eyes tight and puts his head between his knees.

He's not actually sure how long he's been sitting there when he hears the light beep of the lock system on his door. The woman from before walks in, and her look is a lot less bitter than before she walks over to him, and gestures for him to stand up. “I suspect you have a lot of questions, is that correct?” She asks, and he nods. She nods as well, putting her arms behind her back. “Tell me what you remember. Anything at all. Think hard.”

Thinking made his head hurt even more- which he didn't think was possible -but he tries anyways, closing his eyes. He searches mind for anything, anything at all that might be even a hint at what happened or who he was…

A certain image briefly flashes in his mind.

A man close to his age, pale skin, metal along his jaw, scars across his face, smiling and saying something. Hanzo can't make out what it is because the image is only there for a second, but he must be someone he knows.

“Um…a man. I remember a man,” He says quietly, eyes closed. “That's…all I can recall.”

The woman nods slowly. “Alright...No worries about that. Whoever he is, I want you to understand that he's the enemy.” Hanzo looks up, brows furrowed in confusion. The woman continues. “We rescued you from the organization that man is with. You're a part of us.”

“But I- I don't remember any of this- I don't even remember who I am,” He murmurs, visibly confused and worried, and frankly very scared. The woman raises her hand.

“Your name is Hanzo. But that's all we'll allow you to know as we move forward with retraining you,” She explains. “Rest up. We’ll begin in a couple days time.”

Before Hanzo can ask any more questions, she leaves the room again. Hanzo watches her go, then takes a step back. He glances around the room again, then takes a seat on the bed. He had no idea what was going on, and it was scaring him. To have such a blank mind was incredibly unsettling. But at least he knows one thing.

His name is Hanzo.

 

* * *

 

_Log: #2_

_Date: January 18th  
_

_Subject: Shimada, Hanzo  
_

_Doctor: O’Deorain  
_

_Procedure: Observation_

_Notes: Subject appears to be adjusting well, after learning his name. There is a lot of hesitance from him, especially when meeting everyone else at the base. However, to our surprise, his mind seems very easily persuaded. It did not take much to convince him he was formerly a member of Talon before being kidnapped. Reyes says it’s best he know right away that Overwatch is the enemy._

_I'm sure the single memory he had when I asked him to think has faded by now. I haven't told Reyes, but the procedure was not fully completed. If memory serves, the procedure was 99% complete when the base’s sirens had gone off. I had to hasten things to get the Subject to safety. Even so, he has not brought that memory up again, so I can only assume he's forgotten._

_I expect nothing else to appear. The last one percent should not make much of a difference at all; his mind should be wiped, and all his memories faded._

_However, if any new memories resurface, I will have to wipe him again…  
_

_I don't think he'll be pleased if it comes to that._

 

* * *

 

Hanzo is relieved when he's moved to an actual room. It feels less medical, and it puts him at ease. He sits down on his bed, which is much more comfortable than the one they examined him in, and looks around. It's nice. He sighs quietly and runs a hand through his hair.

While he was getting fairly comfortable here, it still bothered him a lot that he can't remember anything before he woke up on that operating table. He knows Moira told him not to stress too much about it, and that he only needs to look forward, but…it's harder than he thought it'd be. He stands up again and walks over to the mirror they've hung up in his room. He takes a look at himself.

He's surprised. This is actually the first time he's looked in a mirror; he can't believe he didn't think to do it before. Huh. He's pretty handsome. He glances at his bare left arm, then raises an eyebrow at the extremely intricate tattoo covering every inch of it. He'd been wearing long sleeves up until now. This was incredible- he wonders how long this must've taken.

As he stares, an image flashes across his sight; He's gesturing to his tattoo, and a man is looking at it with interest. Just as quickly as the image came, it's gone. He blinks in surprise, looking away from his arm. What the hell? He shakes his head a bit, putting a hand on his forehead. His head was starting to ache now. He closes his eyes, sitting down on his bed again.

He doesn't recall seeing a man like the one he saw in his mind here at the base. Where was he from? How did he know him- when did he know him? This was killing him, not knowing where this was all coming from, or who these people were. Was what Moira told him right? She said anyone he remembered was an enemy, but was that true? Maybe he just knew them before he joined Talon…but when was that?

Everything was so mixed up, he wasn't sure what to really believe. Regardless, he’s sure he belongs here, and that he needs to work to get back to the soldier he once was. The training wasn't so bad. In fact, he was quite good at every weapon he happened to pick up, the bow especially. He was great with that. And if he was being honest, it made him feel at ease. Everything seemed more grounded when he picked up the bow. He felt like he knew he who he was.

Of course, he knew that wasn't entirely possible, but he liked to think he knows who he is.  
He flops back in his bed and stares up at the ceiling. Deciding to just call it a night, he closes his eyes, sighing quietly. He knew he'd figure everything out someday. He'd be his old self, whoever that was, in no time, he's certain.

 

* * *

 

_Log: #3_

_Date: January 25th  
_

_Subject: Shimada, Hanzo  
_

_Doctor: O’Deorain  
_

_Procedure: Observation_

_Notes: Subject has fully adjusted to life on the Talon base. He's even made some acquaintances he enjoys spending time with. It's a relief that he's relaxed enough to fully believe he's always been a part of us. He's brought it to my attention that every now and then he'll get images and flashbacks of the same few people. He's very curious as to who they are, but I've had to reassure him time and time again that they are the enemy. I'm sure he believes me now, as he's met with anger every time he remembers them, which shows when he's in the training room. We believe that's good; it will make it easier for him to get rid of them when the time comes to raid the Overwatch base. Detachment is key._

_We’re to attack the base in a few days time. Until then, I will continue to have Reyes and Lacroix train with him. Reyes has brought Sombra in again, for a reason I cannot fathom, but she's taken a liking to the Subject. She's no good, and I've never liked her. She knows far too much about anything and everything; Her hacking abilities have given her access to anything she can get her hands on, personal dossiers obviously included.  
_

_Knowing this, I worry she might tell the Subject things we don't want him to know._

 

* * *

 

_Log: #4_

_Date: January 26th  
_

_Subject: Shimada, Hanzo  
_

_Doctor: O’Deorain  
_

_Procedure: Emergency services_

_Notes: I hadn't intended to make another log report so soon, but something rather dire has come up._

_The Subject had a painful lapse of memory today. I'm not sure how it happened, but I assumed it must be because I didn't fully complete his first wipe and everything simply came back to him. I'm not sure what caused it, but one moment he was fine, and the next he was kicking and screaming and trying to escape, claiming that Overwatch most certainly was coming to find him, including his brother and boyfriend. I had to intervene quickly and wipe him once more, before he remembered anything else.  
_

_Instead of letting him learn things on his own again, Reyes and I sat with him for hours forcing new knowledge into him, about Talon, us, procedures, etc, and that Overwatch was the enemy to us. Luckily, I finished the memory wiping a hundred percent this time. It was easy to brainwash him this time… I hate that word.  
_

_But you do what you must to benefit your team, and this happened to be what I had to do._

_The attack is to happen as scheduled in four days._

_I'll observe his behavior once more once we’re back at our base._

 

* * *

 

Hanzo’s head is pounding as he and the rest of the team silently hike up to Overwatch’s watchpoint, heavily armed and ready to cause mayhem. As Hanzo looks over the building, he gets a strange aching in his chest. He feels like he's been here before. Maybe they'd come here on a mission before, he's not sure. Regardless, when Reyes gives the signal, they go in guns blazing, shooting anything they can, along with anyone in sight. Immediately, sirens around the watchpoint start going off, alarming everyone inside.

Talon doesn't stop, keeping up the attack. Hanzo had one job. He was to set up a bomb at the center of the building, one big enough to practically destroy the watchpoint. So, with all the Overwatch agents distracted by trying to stop the Talon agents, Hanzo runs towards what he hopes is the center of the building; a big common area. He ducks around a pillar after seeing the coast is clear and kneels down, getting to work on wiring the bomb. He'd been taught how to do this rather quickly. According to his bosses, he'd been more skilled with weaponry rather than explosives, so he had to trust them.

He glances up every so often just to make sure the coast remains clear as he works. He finishes wiring the bomb and starts setting the timer- fifteen minutes… before he can press the button to start the timer, someone catches his attention.

“Hanzo!” Someone shouts, and Hanzo looks up quickly. He recognized that voice. How does he recognize that voice? He looks around, eyes wide. His eyes land on a man standing a good few feet away. He's got metal around his jaw, scars on his face, and a bright green head if hair. Hanzo knows him. He's sure he does…

But his bosses told him anyone in Overwatch was the enemy. He was told he had to take them down no matter what. So Hanzo goes for him, holding his gun out. The man gasps and ducks when Hanzo shoots.

“Hanzo, what the hell are you doing?!” The man shouts, frantic. “Stop, it's me! It's me, Hanzo!”  
Hanzo growls a bit, reloading his gun. “I don't know you, and you shouldn't know me.” He starts shooting again, but this man is incredibly quick on his feet, dodging every bullet that comes his way.

Frustrated, Hanzo simply throws the gun aside and runs after him, prepared to get into a fist fight. The man looks genuinely confused and scared, but in addition to that he seemed ready to fight back…and he does. He's a tough opponent, that's for sure, but Hanzo doesn't back down, even when metal continuously connects with his skin. This man…he was a cyborg. Interesting.

They're in the midst of their fight when another man runs up. “Aw, hell, what-? Hanzo, holy shit, what are you doin’?” He asks, trying to separate the two. “We don't have time for this shit, do you not hear the sirens and the fuckin’ gunfire-?”

“McCree, somethings wrong with him!” The other man shouts over the sirens as he manages to get Hanzo in a choke hold. Hanzo claws at the man's arm, but it's futile; he was metal, after all, and his vision was beginning to fade, sound was starting to get fuzzy.

“What do you mean, somethin’s wrong?” The man, who was apparently named McCree asks, visibly concerned. “What happened?”

Hanzo can't struggle much more, and to his disdain, his consciousness fades out before he can hear the rest of their conversation and fight back any more.

 

* * *

 

_Patient Log Date: January 30th_

_Patient: Agent Hanzo Shimada  
_

_Observing Doctor: Ziegler_

_Notes: Hanzo is back. Hanzo is back, and he's safe. After Talon’s attack it came to our attention that it was them that kidnapped Hanzo. We were able to fight the Talon agents off, and get rid of the bomb Hanzo tried to set. Genji brought him into the med bay shortly after things settled down. He was unconscious, but I was made aware that it was for the best, since he was attacking him and McCree. I've put him in a holding cell for now, and will observe further once he's awake. Genji thinks he might have had his memory wiped or something of that caliber, because he didn't recognize either of them, and continued to attack. I'll have to check to see if this true._

_If it is, the rehabilitation process might be tedious and slow.  
_

_I hope some of his memory is intact; If so, I should be able to restore most of it, if I'm lucky._  
Genji and McCree are incredibly upset.

_I'll keep an eye on them too..._


	2. does he remember anything?

_ February 2nd _

 

_ It was downright weird to see Hanzo act like he did. What was wrong with him? I could hardly believe it when I first saw him. He'd been gone so long, and then there he was, trying to kick Genji's ass in the middle of a Talon raid. It was weird as hell. _

_ Angela told us he had been brainwashed for sure, which was a big blow. Angela said she can't do much until he calms down, because she doesn't want to sedate him, but he's going a little crazy in that holding cell apparently. But she can't figure how much he forgot or how much he remembers until she's able to scan his mind, see what's up. But with the way he's been fighting us, I don't know when that'll be. _

_ Anyways, maybe it's selfish of me, but I hope he remembers me.  _

 

_ -Jesse _

 

* * *

 

 

  “How's he doin’ today?” Jesse asks as he walks into the med bay. Angela looks up from her clipboard, where she's been taking notes on Hanzo's behavior. She's been sitting behind a pane of two-way glass, just watching him. 

  “He's refusing to eat,” She says with a sigh, tapping the clipboard with her pen. “He won't listen to me when I say we're trying to help him. Whatever they did, they managed to convince him wholeheartedly that we’re the worst people on the face of the earth or something…” She sighs, frustrated. “I don't want to have to sedate him to get him calm enough to do the procedure.” She looks unhappy simply because sedation is an option she might have to take. 

  Jesse leans against the table, looking at Hanzo through the glass. He was pacing around the room, looking up at the ceiling. He looked bored, frustrated, angry, all at the same time. “Can, um…Can I maybe try talkin’ to him?” He asks Angela quietly, shifting nervously. Angela looks at him, quiet for a moment. 

  “Jesse, he won't remember you. I don't want you getting hurt,” She murmurs, resting a hand on his arm. Jesse gives her a pleading look. 

  “Please, Angela…I miss him like crazy. He's gotta remember me.” He had to. They were together, and they loved each other. That's how it's been for years. That had to have stayed in his mind, right? 

  Angela glances at Hanzo, then at Jesse. She sighs. Against her better judgment, she decides she'll let him. “Alright. But don't be upset when he doesn't remember you, I gave you fair warning.”

  Jesse nods, then heads around to the holding cell door. He slides open the window in the door, and Hanzo immediately looks over at the sound. He frowns, and before Jesse can even say anything, he scoffs. “Haven't you all had enough? I'm not doing what you say.”

  Jesse shakes his head, smiling a bit. “No, no, Hanzo, it's- it's me, Jesse,” He says, his tone hopeful. Hanzo stares at him for a moment, as if trying to register him somewhere in his mind, as if he's thinking. Jesse's heart beats a bit faster. 

  Hanzo has to be honest. Something about him looks familiar. He doesn't know what, but…whatever it is, it's not enough to make him care. He shakes his head. “I don't care who you are. Just go.” He turns away, crossing his arms. He's had enough of this man. 

  Jesse swallows hard, feeling his heart break a bit. He tries to force a smile. “B-But Hanzo-” 

  “ _ Go! _ ” He snaps, and Jesse jumps a bit, shocked. Hanzo's never spoken to him like this before…but he supposed it wasn't really Hanzo, now… It already hurts, and Jesse doesn't know what to do. 

  So he slides the window closed again and heads back to Angela, his head down. Angela looks at him, her expression soft and sympathetic. “I told you,” She says quietly. “I didn't want you speaking with him until I had him calmed down enough to be civil with us. I'm sorry I let you talk to him now.”

  Jesse shifts a bit, then shakes his head, sighing. “I should've listened…our Hanzo's not there,” He murmurs. “I'm…I think I'm gonna go,” He says quietly before turning away and walking out of the med bay. Jesse wondered if this was ever going to be better again, if Hanzo would ever come back. 

  And if he did…would he still be the man he loved? 

 

* * *

 

 

_ February 3rd _

 

_ Maybe it's a good thing he lost his memory.  _

_ At least, it's good he lost some parts of it.  _

_ He's finally forgotten what he did to me all those years ago. And if I'm being honest? I couldn't be happier.  _

_ He no longer has to struggle to forgive himself.  _

 

_ -Genji _

 

* * *

 

 

  “There was nothing else I could do,” Angela explains quietly as Hanzo lies on the operating table, unconscious. “I sedated him, and got him here. He wasn't going to listen to reason.” 

  Genji nods slightly, his hands in his pockets. “When does he ever?” He asks with a sad little smile. Angela shakes her head, gently squeezing Genji's shoulder.

  “I'm going to do the scan of his mind now, see what I'll have to wipe, what I can keep. Hopefully I can bring something back.” She looks at him. “I'll let you and Jesse know once I'm finished, alright?” She gestures to the door. “Try not to think too much about it in the meantime.” 

  Genji gives her another nod before looking at his brother one last time. He sighs and turns away, walking out the door. He hoped she could bring his brother back. She was the best doctor Genji had ever seen- hell, she brought him back from the brink of death. Surely...surely she could do something. 

  When the door slides closed, Angela looks at Hanzo, brushing his hair back. “Alright, Hanzo,” She whispers, attaching the wired pads of the scanning machine to his temples. “Let's see what we can find, hm?” She gently pats his cheek before turning the machine on, and waiting for the scan to be complete. 

  She couldn't see exact, precise memories, not at all. But she could general ideas, which was better than nothing. Talon had really done a number on him; how many times had they tried to wipe him? Whatever they did, it didn't work 100%. He had glimpses of fading memories that could easily be refreshed if he thought about them. But she couldn't think for him. With such a precise machine, one she's upgraded extensively on her own out of mere chance they'd need it (they've had several agents come back POWs, and, well…it was best they not remember that), she's able to erase any memory of Talon in his mind. It's not easy, and it's a long process, and she feels awful. Hanzo's mind must be exhausted from wipe after wipe…

  But he wakes up with a clean slate, essentially. 

  His head is killing him when he comes to, and he hears the faint beeping of a heart monitor. It hurts when he opens his eyes, but when he does, he's staring up at a white ceiling. He jumps in surprise when a woman beside him speaks. 

  “Hi,” She says quietly, her voice soft. Hanzo just stares at her, looking a bit afraid. “I'm Angela Ziegler, I'm a doctor and I'm here to help you out.”

  “Okay,” He whispers. “Who-” He groans, presses a hand into his forehead, his thought process interrupted by a sharp pain. “My head…” 

  “I know, it'll hurt for a while, but it'll go away soon,” She explains. “I can give you some pain medication in a moment.” Before Hanzo can ask any more questions, she folds her hands in her lap. “You know your name, correct?”

  “Hanzo…Hanzo…” He shuts his eyes tight. “I don't know my last name,” He whispers. Angela nods. 

  “I'm going to ask you some questions, and it's alright if you don't know the answer.” She takes a breath when Hanzo just nods. “Do you know where we are, or who you work for?” Hanzo groans when he has to think, the process making his head throb. 

  “I don't know where we are…I…I think I work for…” His breathing gets a bit sharp. God, his head felt like it was going to explode. “Overwatch. I think.” It was far, far back in his mind, just a glimmer of memory. It took a lot of effort to bring it forward. 

  Angela is surprised. “That's correct, Hanzo. I won't ask you any more.” Hanzo visibly relaxes.

  “Thank you,” He whispers, and Angela stands up, helping him off the table. 

  “Alright, we’re going to get you into a recovery room. I won't allow visitors, just to allow you some time to get some rest,” She explains as she helps him walk out.

  Hanzo raises an eyebrow as he follows Angela. “Who would want to visit me?” He asks, and Angela just shakes her head.

  “We'll talk later,” She assures him. “I don't want you to hurt your head anymore.” She opens the door to one of the recovery rooms, then leads him inside. “There's a button here,” She points to it, next to the door frame. “Use it to call me if you need anything. I'll get your pain medication right now.” She leaves him there so she can get it. 

  Hanzo watches her go, taking a deep breath. He closes his eyes tight, sitting down on the bed and putting his face in his hands. He doesn't remember anything. He doesn't know anything, besides his name and where he worked. 

  He wished he knew more…

 

* * *

 

 

_ Patient Log Date: February 5th _

_ Patient: Agent Hanzo Shimada _

_ Observing Doctor: Ziegler _

 

_ Notes: Hanzo seems to be adjusting. It's only been a couple days since I cleared his mind, but he's not frantic or worried about his surroundings or what's going on.  _

_ One thing that does concern me is his willingness to accept anything he's told. I understand that he has next to no memory and is desperate for some answers, but I want him to think a little. There's still memories in his mind, even if he has to think deeply to get the answers.  _

_ So far, I've told him he works for Overwatch, which he already knows, and that he's an agent here. He knows his full name now, which is good. He's asked if he had any acquaintances, and I told him he did, and he asked who. I was hesitant on answering any more questions, so I stopped there.  _

_ It might seem cruel of me, but I need him to think of things and find them out in his own. _

_ His memories are not front and center like I know he wants them to be, but those memories I saw, the ones that were almost faded, are still there. If he works to remember those before they're completely gone, we could potentially have our Hanzo back. I don't know what they are but they must be incredibly major to survive more than one wipe. _

_ I can only hope he manages to get them back.  _

_ I had to tell him the truth as well. I told him he'd been kidnapped from us about a month ago, and they'd wiped his memory. It's best to be honest, right? I just hope he doesn't think I'm lying to him.  _

_ Regardless, he says he's looking forward to getting back to life on the base, despite obvious hurdles.  _

_ I'll have to talk to the others about taking it easy on him.  _

 

* * *

 

 

  “Alright, Hanzo, this is your room,” Angela says, gesturing to a door. She's taken him around the base and gotten him somewhat reacquainted with the layout and general area of things. Hanzo nods, stepping inside. It was an alright room, big enough for him to be comfortable. 

  “Thank you,” He says quietly, looking around a bit. “When can I meet everyone else?” He asks, looking at her. “I'm…I'm not new here, right? People knew me?” 

  Angela can't help but feel sad, seeing Hanzo now. He seemed meek, nervous, and unsure, the complete opposite of he was before. She simply nods. “Yes, people knew you. You can come meet then now, if you'd like. There's two people in particular who have been dying to see you again,” She says with a playful smile.

  Hanzo smiles slightly. “Who are they?” He asks, and Angela just takes a breath. She hoped this went well.

  “Well, just come with me,” She says, gesturing for him to follow her. He does as he's told, following her out of his room and down to the common area where the agents just sort of chilled. Genji and Jesse are just talking quietly with each other, but they look up when Angela clears her throat. “So, I've cleared Hanzo, and it's alright for him to start getting back to interacting with everyone at the base. I figured it'd be best if he spoke to you two first,” She explains, and Hanzo waves a bit at them-

  Wait. 

  These two looked familiar- why did they look familiar? He's sure he's never seen these two before. His head starts hurting a bit trying to think of how he knows them. Clearly they must work together, but he feels that it goes deeper than just being agents who worked at the same place.There's much more to this…

  Genji is the first to stand up, a big smile on his face. “Hanzo. It's so good to see you…” He goes right up to him and hugs him, closing his eyes. “I missed you.” Hanzo doesn't hug him back for a moment, but he gives him an awkward pat on the back. 

  “It's, ah…good to see you too?” He murmurs with a slight smile. “I'm sorry, but…you are?”

  Genji steps away from him, having lowkey forgotten that just because Angela took away what Talon had put in his head doesn't mean she brought things back. “Right…I'm Genji. I'm your brother,” He explains, smiling slightly. Hanzo nods slowly. 

  “Hm,” He looks Genji over. He decides not to ask about all the scars on his face, and…all the cybernetics he can see under the clothes he's wearing. Something really bad must've happened to him… “It's good to know I have family,” He decides on saying, and Genji smiles a bit, nodding. 

  Angela waves a bit and leaves them to get reacquainted. Genji gestures to Jesse, who's been quiet and just sort of watching them. “This is Jesse,” He says, and Jesse gives a little half wave before dropping his hand. Hanzo looks at him, bowing his head a bit. Genji just chuckles and pulls him over to Jesse. “Jesse, why don't you...you know…”

  Hanzo is visibly confused, but Jesse smiles a bit. “I'm your boyfriend, Hanzo,” He says quietly, and the look of surprise that crosses Hanzo's face is honestly a bit funny. Jesse holds up a hand. “I don't expect nothin’ from you now,” He assures him. “But…I sure would like to be your friend, if anything.” It broke his heart to say those words. He's got to pretend he's cool with all of this, even though he's not.

  “Of course, Jesse,” He says, nodding. Boyfriend. He had a boyfriend before everything happened? He wishes he could feel bad that he didn't remember Jesse at all, but he can't. He didn't know him, didn't remember anything they had…why would he feel bad? 

  Jesse clears his throat, smiling slightly. “Well, um…I'm gonna hit the training deck. I'll see you two later,” He says quietly, walking out of the room and down the hall.

  He couldn't be near him right now. 

 

* * *

 

 

_ February 10th _

 

_ Maybe I'm overreacting.  _

_ I have to be right?  _

_ I shouldn't be mad at him for not remembering me, us, what we had. It's been days since Angie let us talk to him, but still nothing.  _

_ But I'm mad and I hate myself for it. I can't make him remember me, no matter what I do.  _

_ It'll be like starting over from square one, and after all these years I never thought I'd have to do that…  _

_ It’ll be our 5th anniversary on the 20th.  _

 

_ -Jesse _


	3. an amusing way to remember it

_ February 15th _

 

_ Hanzo's been getting to know everyone again. _

_ He tries to spend more time with Jesse and I, mostly because he knows we were important people in his life before he lost his memory.  _

_ Jesse has been rather upset lately, which I suppose I understand. He's my brother, after all, and it hurts just the same.  _

_ I think, in his grief, that he's forgotten that...  _

_ My own worries have stopped me from reaching out and pulling Hanzo aside to just talk. I know he's curious about me, and what happened to me, but I just *do not* want to tell him. He's always been able to see through my lies--he got me in a lot of trouble when we were younger--so I do not doubt he'd see through this lie now as well. _

_ Maybe I'll be able to have the courage to speak to him privately soon.  _

_ I'm sure he's wondering why his own brother hardly interacts with him.  _

 

_ -Genji _

 

* * *

 

 

  “You remember, right?” Genji asks as he hands Hanzo a bow. They were on the training deck alone, one of the first moments like this since Hanzo came back. 

  Hanzo stares at the bow in his hand, then raises an eyebrow. “This was my weapon?” He asks, and Genji nods, chuckling.

  “Yes, this was your weapon. And you were very good at it, too,” He explains with a small smile as he hands Hanzo an arrow. “Give it a try, hit that target over there.” He points to a target a bit of a distance away. 

  Shrugging slightly, Hanzo nods. He gets the arrow in position, then pulls it back as if it's instinct. The action feels familiar, like he's done it a thousand times. He's surprised when he gets just a little hit of a memory. It's only a split second- he's aiming at a homemade target tacked to a big cherry blossom tree in what looked like a backyard of sorts. Genji, looking young and happy, is standing next to him. It makes him falter a bit, and he blinks a few times, trying to shake it off. 

  “Are you okay?” Genji asks, having noticed. Hanzo gives him a simple nod.

  He clears his throat and draws the bow again, taking a slow breath. He lets it loose, and hits the center of the target with ease. He can't help but laugh. How did he even know how to do that? Genji claps, grinning. “That must have been a fluke,” He says with a slight smile.

  “Mm, no, trust me. You'll be splitting arrows soon, I think. Hanzo, you were the most skilled bowman anyone had seen,” Genji says, patting his brother's shoulder. “Trust me.” He hands him another arrow. “Give it another shot. This was second nature to you.” 

  Hanzo nods, and fires the next arrow. It hits right next to the other arrow. He feels pretty accomplished, honestly. He didn't think he'd pick this up so quickly, so soon. It felt great. He looks at Genji. “Thank you for helping me,” He says with a little smile. Genji nods. 

  “Just get some more practice in, and you'll be back to yourself in no time.” He smiles a bit, and Hanzo nods. 

  “Was there, ah...anything else I was proficient at, or was this it?” He asks, holding up the bow. Genji rubs the back of his neck. Maybe if he didn't tell Hanzo he used to be quite the swordsman, he wouldn't ask why he no longer even touched a sword. Maybe he'd never have to tell Hanzo why exactly he looked like he does. He doesn't want to. He knew how Hanzo nearly despised himself for what happened, and the last thing he wants to do is bring that up. 

  “No,” He responds, voice firm. “The bow was your biggest strength.” Hanzo nods a bit and turns to look at the target.

  “...we used to practice when we were younger, didn't we?” He asks, looking at his brother. “In…our backyard.”

  Genji blinks. “Of course,” He confirms, nodding slightly. “When you first started learning archery, we would make targets together, and-” 

  “Hang them up on the big tree. The one with the cherry blossoms,” Hanzo finishes the sentence for him, and Genji breaks into a grin.

  “How did you-?”

  “When I drew the bow, I saw what I suppose was a bit of a memory. We were younger, and you must have been watching me practice or something…” His head starts hurting, a sharp pain shooting throughout his whole head. He sighs, shutting his eyes tight, trying to ignore it. This happened every time he actively tried to remember something. How on earth was he going to get everything back if he couldn't remember things on his own? “Something like that.” 

  Genji gently pats his arm. “Yeah, we did that a lot. Don't stress yourself out trying to force anything else to come back, okay?” He murmurs. “We can stop now, if you want.” 

  Giving a slight nod, Hanzo hands the bow back and starts walking out. Genji watches him walk before sighing and following him out. They're both stopped by Angela, who's come to check in on them. “Hanzo, how are you?” She asks, smiling a little. Hanzo taps his head. 

  “It hurts…” He says, voice quiet. Genji takes a breath. 

  “He just kind of overworked himself,” He says, glancing at his brother. Angela nods, sighing.

  “Alright. Hanzo, why don't you head to the medical bay, and I'll get you something to help with your head when I get back,” She tells him, and Hanzo nods, waving to the two of them before heading off. She looks at Genji. “The truth. Is everything okay?” She asks quietly, glancing at Hanzo before he's out of sight. Genji nods. 

  “Yes. He remembered something from when we were children, as he was using his bow. I didn't know simple things such as that would bring anything back to his mind.”

  Angela sighs and shrugs. “The mind is a tricky thing. Sometimes insignificant things to us might be huge for others. I suppose in this case, practicing with you happened to be a fond memory for him.”

  Genji gets an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Angela, I don't want him to remember this,” He murmurs, gesturing to himself. “I don't know how he'll react. I don't want him to carry this burden anymore.”

  She crosses her arms, looking a bit sad. “I can't do anything to stop that, Genji,” She says quietly. “If it happens, it happens. But we'll deal with that when--if--it comes about.” She gently rubs his shoulder, smiling a bit. “It'll be alright,” She promises before stepping back. 

  Genji can only nod, even though he has his doubts. He wanted it to be okay, but what if it just wasn't going to be?

 

* * *

 

 

_ February 20th _

 

_ It's our anniversary. I'm taking him out to the place we went when I asked him out. He says he's excited to learn more about us and who we were, how we got together, things like that. _

_ Starting over, telling him of everything we've done instead of him just remembering it is hard. _

_ But I'm hoping this will help. _

_ It's our anniversary... _

 

_ -Jesse _

 

* * *

 

 

  Jesse smiles a bit as he helps Hanzo fit his beanie on his head. “Ya gotta take your hair out darlin,” Jesse says with a chuckle when it doesn't fit right. Hanzo huffs and pulls the hair tie from his hair, letting Jesse put it on right. “There ya go.” He kisses his forehead. 

  Hanzo smiles slightly, fixing his scarf. “So, where are we going, exactly?” He asks as Jesse wraps his own scarf around himself. They start walking out of the building. There was a big path that led out of the base, and it was kind of long. Perfect for walks, like the ones Hanzo and Jesse took quite often before.

  “Well, when I asked you out...for the fifth time,” He teases with a nudge. Hanzo's eyebrows raise in surprise, and before Jesse can continue, Hanzo speaks.

  “You asked me five times before I said yes?” He asks, looking up at him. Jesse nods, and Hanzo sighs. “Well…I must apologize for that. You’re very nice, I see no reason why I would say no so many times.”

  Jesse rubs the back of his neck, smiling awkwardly. “We knew each other for years beforehand, you see. And we didn't get along very well for a long time. But I loved you anyways, and I didn't wanna give up.”

  Hanzo looks at him as they walks, watching the emotion on Jesse's face. He listens intently, wanting to learn about all that they went through. He stays quiet.

  Jesse continues. “We were... _ somethin’ _ for a while. Don't know what to call it, ‘cause we mostly just fooled around, but I knew there was more between us than that. So I asked. And when you said no, I asked again.”

  Hanzo can tell where this is going. He looks away, trying to remember this, even just a little. His head starts hurting, so he stops trying before it gets bad. He can't find anything anyways…

  “And you can guess where that story goes,” Jesse murmurs, chuckling. “I didn't do too much when I asked you out the last time.” He looks up to the sky, where snow is falling lightly and steadily around them. “I guess I just got lucky that you didn't pummel me when I finally asked.”

  Hanzo shakes his head a bit, smiling a little and looking Jesse over. He was smiling, letting snowflakes fall onto his face. Hanzo feels something…something like a glitch in his mind, seeing Jesse like this. He blinks a bit, then looks away. “If it took five times, it must have been something special,” He muses quietly, and Jesse shrugs, looking forward again.

  “I didn't think it was special. Just stupid.”

  “How so?” He asks, stopping when Jesse holds a hand out in front of him. 

  “Well,” Jesse starts walking away, going over to snowdrift. He picks up some snow, packing it tight. Hanzo raises an eyebrow. “I did this…” He's still for a moment, and Hanzo just stares at him, confused at what he's doing. What does snow have to do with-? 

  And before he can finish his thought, a snowball hits him in the side of his face, hard, ice cold, and jarring. He gasps, a hand going up to hold where the snowball hit. “Jesse-!” He hears Jesse laugh, but…it isn't in real life. 

  He's remembering it, vivid and clear for once. Jesse threw a snowball at him... It had been the first big snow of the month, and Jesse had been excited about it. He was from a desert state, so snow never ceased to amaze him.

  Hanzo had told him not to play in the snow--it was childish, especially for a man who was nearly forty years old. Still, Jesse had run over to a pile of snow and chucked a snowball at him…

  Jesse cracks up, laughing at Hanzo's expression. Hanzo's back in the present, having shaken his head free of the haze, and he sees Jesse packing another snowball…and he can't help but laugh back at him despite the ache in his head. This moment felt familiar, like deja vu. He decides to play along, instead of ruining it all by saying he remembered. 

  He kneels down and starts making a snowball. “That was very rude,” He comments as he stands up with snow in his hand. “And I don't see how throwing snow at me would make me say y-” He's cut of when another snowball hits his shoulder. He gasps, then throws the snow he's holding at him. Jesse lets out a little yell, holding up his arms to shield himself, laughing.

  “Two to one, Hanzo, I'm winning!” He exclaims as he grabs more snow. Hanzo glares.

  He was  _ not  _ going to lose.

  Before Jesse can stand up again, Hanzo just...picks up a pile of snow, walking it over to where Jesse is knelt, and dumping it on his head. Jesse nearly screams from the ice cold covering him, and he immediately stands up, shaking it off. 

  “Hanzo Shimada, I have half a mind to kick your ass!” He shouts playfully, grinning and getting up close to him. Hanzo grins right back, looking up at him, amused.

  They're both quiet before Hanzo's grin fades into a small smile. “...I really don't know why I waited so long to say yes,” He whispers, reaching a hand up to stroke Jesse's cheek with his thumb. 

  Jesse can't help but feel a little sad at the touch. Hanzo was a little hesitant, as if he didn't know if this was okay. Like he was touching him for the first time. 

  “It was funny,” Hanzo murmurs as he steps away. “That first one you threw was like...you hit something into place. I, um…I remembered that day…not a lot, but I remember that snow fight,” He says with a little smile. “...how did you finally ask me?” He asks, looking hopeful for an answer.

  Jesse chuckles, shaking his head a bit. “When your back was turned to make another damn snowball, I swept you up and held you close…kissed you, right here…” He gently taps a spot on the side of Hanzo's neck. “And I asked you.”

  Hanzo smiles softly. Even without knowing Jesse as much as he'd like to, he knew it was sweet. He knew that…it was them. That little moment was them, and nothing else. He steps towards him again. “No wonder I said yes then,” He whispers.

  Wrapping his arms around Hanzo and hugging him, Jesse sighs. “I'd waited to hear yes for so long, and when you said it, I damn near cried.” Hanzo silently hugs him back, closing his eyes. Being here in his arms felt safe, like home. He remembered just barely enough to know that Jesse loved him, and that even if he didn't want to accept it before, it was true for him too. He loved Jesse. 

  Past Hanzo’s feelings were just strong enough to carry over to now, and Hanzo sighs quietly, letting the feelings just kind of wash over him. He knew it was far from being at the point they were at before, but remembering this moment between them was a start. 

  He could only hope that this was all he needed for everything else to come back to him.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Patient Log Date: February 29th _

_ Patient: Agent Hanzo Shimada _

_ Observing Doctor: Ziegler _

 

_ Notes: It's a relief to know full memories are coming back to him.  _

_ I did a check up on him earlier today, and he told me that he'd remembered his anniversary with Jesse a little over a week ago, and some of what happened that day all those years ago. He was very happy, and he looked relieved that things were coming back. I found it rather amusing when he told me a *snowball* was what helped him remember. It sounded like something from a cartoon.  _

_ I'm also relieved that he's learning things about him and Genji as well. However, I know Genji is struggling to find time to spend alone with him. The day on the training deck a while back was one of the only times they've been truly alone, without anyone else. He's always been with Jesse or around the other agents, along with Genji of course, but never alone with him.  _

_ Genji has always been a more passive man, and I feel a bit bad that he's not getting the time alone he needs with his brother, or stepping up about it. I think I'm going to have to take care of that myself. It shouldn't be a problem. _

_ Still, it's amazing he's recovering so much so soon. All we can hope for is that this doesn't lapse and he loses everything.  _

_ That would devastate everyone here, I'm sure.  _

_ But still, I have hopes that things will only get better from here. _

_ This is a good start.  _


	4. hanami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this update took forever. I was a little too focused on another fic for a while, but I finished that one so I can pay more attention to this.  
> thanks for bein patient yall

_ March 5th _

 

_ It's like, really weird to see Hanzo fumble so much during hand-to-hand combat training. He was a trained ninja, after all, so to have all of that suddenly disappear is weird. _

_ We haven't trained together before. In fact, Jack told me not to go one-on-one with him because I might get hurt. Please! I may be small but that doesn't mean I can't kick ass.  _

_ You think it's easy climbing into and jumping out of that mech? It's not. It takes a lot of strength, and I've got it. _

_ I can totally take him. _

 

_ Love, D.Va! _

 

* * *

 

 

  Hana pulls her hair up into a ponytail, pulling the pink hair tie off her wrist with a smirk. “Okay, Hanzo, you ready for this?” She asks, putting her hands down and shaking herself out.

  Hanzo looks mildly uncomfortable. “Ms. Song, I don't know if I'm comfortable training with you,” He says quietly, rubbing the back of his neck. “You're so..." His voice trails off. 

  Hands on her hips, Hana glares at him. “I'm what?” She asks, leaning close. Hanzo leans away, eyes widening a bit.

  “I mean…where's Genji, or Jesse? Fareeha, even…” He asks, looking away from her nervously. Hana huffs, crossing her arms.

  “You think I can't do it?” She asks, frowning. “Do you think I'm too small or something?”

  Hanzo doesn't have time to respond, because Hana quickly swipes out a leg, knocking Hanzo's feet out from under him, making him fall onto his back with a painful thud. “Oh my God-” He wheezes, his eyes shut tight. “What-”

  She stands above him, smirking. “Comfortable yet?” She asks smugly before holding a hand out to him. Hanzo groans as he takes her hand, letting her help him up. 

  “You make a fair point,” He grumbles, rubbing the back of his head. “Where in the world did you learn to-” 

  Ouch. Here came another.

 Hanzo closes his eyes, taking a slow breath as the memory flickers in and out. 

  Hana Song, MEKA pilot and Korean soldier, just nineteen years old. Internationally recognized pro gamer, and… She was a decorated war hero. Which is why it was a shock when she'd been brought into Overwatch’s medical bay as injured as she was. Hanzo had been there when she'd been brought in. Covered in blood, bullet wounds piercing through her skin-tight body suit. She was doing her best not to cry, but with all that had happened, nobody would've blamed her if she did…

  The memory fades to the back of his mind. 

  He looks at Hana, who's got an eyebrow raised, confused by his sudden silence. “You okay?” She asks quietly, and Hanzo just nods a bit, looking her over. 

  “It's no wonder you can hold your own against me,” He says quietly, going over and giving her a hug. “I just…I remember who exactly you are, now…”

  Oh, that's right... Hana nods slightly, but smiles to quickly dissipate the awkward air that was suddenly around them. “That's fine. It's good you're remembering, huh?” She asks, gently patting his cheek. “C’mon, let's get back to-”

  “Are you okay?” He asks her quietly, and she seems a bit…taken aback, by the question. She chuckles.

  “What do you mean? I'm fine,” She says with a nervous little smile.

  Hanzo shakes his head slowly. “...the war must have been hard for you,” He says quietly. “You fought so hard…got injured…”

  Hana shifts her wight uneasily. “Ah...yeah, I did, I-” He was the only person to even ask if she was okay in the short time she'd been a member of Overwatch. Everyone assumed she was fine because of her cheery attitude and the way she held herself. What nobody knew was that that war had taken a big toll on her, mentally and physically. Hanzo, though…

  With one little memory he'd known, and he'd asked. 

  She takes a breath. “Really, Hanzo,” She says quietly, smiling. “I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me. Okay?”

  Hanzo just nods. “Alright.” He braces himself, holding up his fists. “I'm ready when you are, Ms. Song.”

 

* * *

 

 

_ March 20th _

 

_ Things are steadily improving. _

_ He hasn't been approved for field work just yet, mostly because he's still relearning how to use certain weapons or do certain things. I can tell he's itching to get out, though. He's quite restless, and he often follows Jesse or I around the base. _

_ I encourage him to go talk to some of the other agents, rekindle the acquaintances he used to have, but he's not too keen on it.  _

_ He's grown a bit closer to Hana, however. He'd been protective of her, before he lost his memory. Perhaps that feeling has come back...Although, I'm sure by now he's learned that she has no need to be protected.  _

_ It's funny.  _

_ All the seemingly insignificant things are the ones that are bringing his memory back.  _

_ I guess they're right when they say it's the little things in life that are most memorable.  _

 

_ -Genji _

 

* * *

 

 

  “Is Hanamura nice?” Hanzo asks as he and Genji finish packing. He was going through his mind and everything he remembered, hoping to find an inkling of a memory of Hanamura and what it was like. But he couldn't. It was Hanami back in Japan, and Genji wanted to let Hanzo experience it while the blossoms were still there. It had been one of his favorite things when they were younger, and if anything could bring some of Hanzo back, it had to be this. So, Jack had approved their trip, and they were off.

  Genji nods, hoisting his duffel bag over his shoulder. “I'd like to think so, anyways. We grew up in a very beautiful city, Hanzo,” He says quietly as he leads them out. “Our home was just as nice. But…it might be a little difficult to, ah, get in.”

  Hanzo raises an eyebrow as he follows him out, grabbing his own bag. “Why is that?” He asks, and Genji lowkey curses himself for even saying that. 

  God damnit. “Ah, because…well, we got into a…a fight-” That'll do. “-with the rest of the family, before Dad died. They've moved on, I suppose, but they still don't like us very much,” He murmurs. “That's all. It will just take a bit of talking.” 

  “Oh,” He says quietly, nodding a bit. “I see.” He wonders what the fight was about, but decides not to say anything. The flight over there is long, but it gives Genji time to tell Hanzo a little about their childhood, what it was like growing up (without some of the more specific details), things like that. Hanzo is pretty intrigued. 

  “What are our parents like? You haven't mentioned them,” He points out, looking at him. Genji inhales slowly. 

  “Ah…our parents aren't around anymore,” He explains, smiling slightly. “Mom has been gone since I was born, and Dad died about ten years ago.” 

  Feeling kind of sad about that, he nods and looks out the plane window. “What happened to them?” He asks. 

  “Mom died because of complications with me-” At least he could be honest about that. “-And dad…he got sick.” He shrugs slightly. “You weren't close with him. You told me a lot about how lovely Mom was, when we were younger, though. You loved her a lot.” He looks at Hanzo, who's gone quiet. 

  He doesn't say anything for a moment before he sighs. “...I wish I remembered,” He says quietly, looking back at Genji. Genji gives him a sympathetic look, gently rubbing his back.

  “Maybe this trip will help you remember. We're going back home. Something has to click, right?” He asks with a small smile, and Hanzo just nods.

  He certainly hoped so, anyways. 

  They land, and Genji grabs a taxi for them. Hanzo can't take his eyes away from the scenery outside his window. Genji was right, this place really was beautiful, even with all the city buildings, the simplicity and beauty remained. When they arrive to the Shimada castle, Hanzo's eyes widen. “Is this-?” 

  Genji nods slightly. “Mhm. This is home. Or…well, used to be home.” He gestures for Hanzo to step out with him, and they walk up to the gate. A guard there looks confused.

  “Mr. Shimada--ah, both of you--what are you doing here?” He asks, about to radio for backup. But Genji shakes his head. 

  “We just came to visit for the festival. That's all,” He explains quietly. “You all already know we haven't caused any trouble in years.” The guard sighs after a moment of thought and picks up his radio.

  “The Shimada Brothers have come for a visit. I'm giving them clearance. Just a heads up.” He puts the radio down, gesturing for them to head in.

  A bit surprised that there's  _ actually  _ a guard here--or, rather, multiple guards--Hanzo just follows his brother inside, looking around the courtyard. “We lived here?” He asks, amazed. 

  “We did. In the heart of the city, too,” He says quietly. He leads Hanzo to a small outreach near the edge of the castle, where they could see out over the city. “See? You can see all of Hanamura from here.”

  Hanzo looks out, scanning the cityscape. “Wow… I had no idea it would be so beautiful here,” He murmurs, smiling a bit. Genji nods. 

  He points at a park in the distance, which just looks like a bunch of soft pink cherry blossom trees in the middle of a bunch of buildings. “Over there is the park we used to visit every year for Hanami. We're going to go tomorrow, it used to be one of your favorite things.” He leans against the railing. “You used to say you liked the peace of just sitting and meditating under the cherry blossom tree in our backyard.”

  Hanzo nods a bit. “I can see how that would be rather peaceful,” He says with a smile. Genji steps away and leads Hanzo inside the actual castle. Hanzo looks around. Huh, pretty big. A lot of space, nice architecture-

  In the center of the room, up against a wall, was a sword placed on a pedestal. The sword Genji hadn't even noticed was here before. The sword that killed him. 

  Hanzo stares at it, his heart starting to beat a bit faster. Why was that so familiar?

  “Hey, why don't we go to our room? It's right over-”

  Hanzo doesn't move when Genji tries to pull him away. 

  “Hanzo-” 

  But he won't move, his eyes locked on that sword. And then, it all hits him. So hard that he actually takes a step back, a hand pressing into his forehead as he inhales sharply, trying not to panic. Just the sight of that sword brought everything back. He looks at Genji after a second or two, mortified.

  “I did this to you?”


	5. aftermath

 What could Genji say? 

  What could he possibly say that would make this better? 

  Hanzo was practically shaking right now, in fear of himself and what he'd done, and Genji couldn't do a damn thing to fix it.

  Hanzo's eyes are wide. “I did this to you?” He asks again, voice quieter now as he points at Genji. 

  “Hanzo, I-” 

  “How long ago?”

  “Look, I think we should-”

  “Answer me.”

  “I thought this would be a good idea, but it's not, and we should-” 

  “Genji, answer me!” Hanzo is shouting now, and it makes Genji jump in surprise. He goes quiet, his heart beating fast. God, how did he manage to fuck this up? If he'd known  _ any _ remnant of what happened was still here, he never would've brought him back. 

  “It was…it was many years ago. Maybe… maybe a little less than ten.” He takes a shaky breath. “Calm down, Hanzo,” He says when he sees Hanzo might lowkey be ready to collapse. “I forgave you long, long ago. Do you understand? I'm fine.”

  “You're not fine,” Hanzo protests, looking him over. “You- you're a  _ cyborg _ , for God's sake. I took so much of you, and- and for what?” He gestures to Genji, suddenly looking more confused than before. “I don't know why I did this. Genji, what made me do this? What happened to make me want to hurt you so badly?”

  Genji is surprised. So he remembered what happened…but he doesn't remember  _ why _ . God, this wasn't going to be good… “Do you really want to know, Hanzo? Do you want to know the full story of who we are, and why you did this?”

  The way he says that makes Hanzo falter a little. Did he really? Genji's tone sounded so sad, so…disheartened. Hanzo gives a firm nod. “Tell me, Genji.” 

  Genji sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Why don't we sit?” He asks quietly. “Just…not in here, obviously,” He murmurs more to himself as he leads Hanzo out, to that cherry blossom tree they used to practice at, the one Hanzo used to sit under to meditate, to relax.

  Hanzo's mind is racing as he follows Genji, more concerned about why this happened. They take a seat on a bench near the tree, and Hanzo looks at Genji. “So?” He asks quietly. 

  Genji nods a bit. “...our family…our family has been in power here in Hanamura for generations. We’re yakuza, Hanzo, and after our father died, you were to take over the whole Shimada Clan. You were raised from birth to become the leader. What you wanted was to rule, and to rule well.”

  Hanzo doesn't say anything, staring at the ground, taking all this in. 

  Taking a shaky breath, Genji continues. “The thing was…I didn't agree with what our family was about. I didn't care about helping you lead, I didn't care about any of it. I wanted to do my own thing, be my own person separate from the clan. The elders didn't like that at all.  _ You  _ didn't like it.” He chuckles sadly. “I was a disgrace to the Shimada name. The elders wanted you to… _ take care  _ of me.”

  Hanzo's heart skips a beat, his eyes widening. “I…I did this because…” His hands start trembling as he balls them into fists, furious with himself. “I did this simply because you didn't want to be a part of this? To be a part of what this family is about?” His voice is shaking now. “I tried to murder you for something so trivial?”

  Genji holds up his hands. “Hanzo, listen, you were a different man back then. Things were different,  _ you _ were different, but you changed. Who you were before you lost your memory was a good man. You're still good. I've forgiven you, long ago.” When Hanzo is about to protest, Genji cups Hanzo's face in his hands. “Hanzo, you can't hang this over your head. I hold nothing against you. You held this against yourself for years, and it's long past time you stop. It's okay. It's  _ been _ okay.”

  For the first time that Genji has ever seen…Hanzo actually tears up. “I'm sorry I let that come between us,” He says quietly, his voice choked up. “I'm so, so sorry.” 

  Genji just pulls him into a hug, gently rubbing his back. “It's okay. Hanzo, I promise… it's okay.” 

 

* * *

 

_ April 5th _

 

_ It rained today.  _

_ All the agents stayed inside because it was more like a storm. Hanzo is down on the training deck beating things up. He's been kinda stressed.  _

_ Hanzo and Genji got back from their trip about a week ago. They stayed in Japan a little longer than they meant to but it wasn't a problem. I sure did miss Hanzo a lot though.  _

_ When they got back, Hanzo went right to bed, didn't even say hi to me. But Genji came over and told me he was just tired after everything, and then he said that Hanzo remembered what happened to Genji.  _

_ Broke my heart to know Hanzo remembered such a thing, but then again, Genji did take him to the exact place it happened. It wasn't on purpose, but you know. He was just trying to make Hanzo happy.  _

_ On the bright side, Hanzo really enjoyed the festival. _

_ Still, I miss him, even if he is just a ball of stress right now.  _

 

_ -Jesse _

 

* * *

 

 

  There's a gentle knocking in Jesse's door in the middle of the night, startling him awake--the slightest sound woke him, and it annoyed the hell out of him. He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face as he gets up. He walks over to the door, letting it slide open. “What do you- oh, Hanzo,” He's surprised to see his boyfriend standing there, looking tired, sad, distressed, anxious… “What happened?” He asks quietly, and Hanzo rubs his arm, looking away. 

  “I…had a nightmare, and, um…” This was embarrassing for him to admit, and it makes his face go a bit red. “Can I sleep with you?” He asks, still avoiding eye contact. 

  Jesse smiles slightly, gently reaching for Hanzo's hand, squeezing it a bit. “Course you can. Come on,” He murmurs, leading him inside his room. Jesse lies down in bed, and Hanzo sheepishly gets in beside him, lowkey resting his head on Jesse's shoulder. Jesse turns a bit to spoon him. “Wanna tell me what it was about? The nightmare?” He asks as Hanzo settles into his embrace. 

  Hanzo lets out a quiet, shaky sigh, squeezing his eyes shut. “It was about you,” He whispers. “I don't…I don't know if this was some sort of fucked up bad memory, but…” He hates thinking about this already. “We must have been on a mission, I think, and we were separated from everyone-”

  Jesse starts going a little bit tense. Oh. He thinks he knows what this is. 

  “-and we were ambushed by more than we could handle.” His voice has dropped to a whisper. “We managed to take care of it, but when it was over, you were-” He swallows thickly, the sight of a bloodied Jesse flashing across his vision. God. It was terrible, and he hated the fact this came up. “-you must have been close to dying. And you kept telling me that you loved me, and that you were sorry.” His voice has started trembling. “I thought backup couldn't come fast enough.”

  Jesse closes his eyes, quiet for a moment. He presses a kiss to the back of Hanzo's neck. “I'm sorry that came up, darlin’,” He whispers. “I hate to say it, but it did happen.”

  Hanzo covers his face with his hands, digging his palms into his eyes to try and stop the impending tears. “I was so scared, Jesse,” He says quietly, choked up. “I was more scared than I'd been in a long time.”

  Sighing, Jesse helps Hanzo turn over. He takes Hanzo's hands away from his face, then cups his face. “Hanzo, listen to me…I know it was scary. I mean, I was the one dyin’ after all…” He gently wipes away Hanzo's tears with his thumbs. God, it killed him to see Hanzo so distraught that he'd actually cry. Hanzo never would have shown so much emotion before. “But I'm okay. I mean, obviously I'm okay, because you're sittin’ here cryin’ at me.” That gets a small laugh from Hanzo. Jesse smiles a bit, looking into Hanzo's eyes. “You okay now?” He asks, and Hanzo sniffs a bit, nodding slightly. “Good.” He kisses his forehead. 

  Hanzo pauses for a moment before he takes Jesse's chin in his hand and brings him in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Jesse wasn't expecting this, but he wasn't about to complain. This was, if Jesse remembers right, their first actual kiss since Hanzo came home. And, hell, if Jesse wasn't over the Goddamn moon they'd finally gotten back to this…

  Jesse kisses him back, resting a hand on his back, inching himself closer until they're touching, chest to chest. Don't get carried away now, McCree, He has to remind himself, because if he wasn't careful, he would probably make Hanzo pretty uncomfortable. But Hanzo doesn't stop him, instead doing the opposite, winding a hand into his hair, gripping gently as the kiss got a little more hot, something clicking in his mind--ah, right, they used to have sex. Of course they did. Hanzo remembers that first time… He pushes the small headache back, and himself closer to Jesse. 

  As much as Jesse wanted to keep this up, he forces himself to pull away, getting a bit too hot and bothered. “Hanzo, um- w-we don't need to do this-” 

  “Jesse, after that fucked up nightmare, having sex with you is the least of my concerns. In fact, I'd much rather think of something else.” He smirks, then. “Anyways… I was, ah, reminded of something, just now…” He casually slides a hand over Jesse's ass.

  Jesse's eyebrows raise in surprise. “... _ Oh _ ,” He breathes. How bold of him. Hanzo gets on top of him, looking down at him with that same smirk

  “Would you like to jog my memory a little more?” He asks, and then he wishes he hadn't said that. That was…not the smoothest he's been, he guesses, because Jesse starts laughing. After a second or two, Hanzo blushes and looks away. “That sounded better in my head.” Still chuckling, Jesse wraps his arms around Hanzo and pulls him down for a kiss. 

  “Good enough for me, darlin’.” 

 

* * *

 

 

_ April 6th _

 

_ haha I got laid _

 

_ -Jesse _

 

* * *

 

 

_ Patient Log Date: April 6th _

_ Patient: Agent Hanzo Shimada _

_ Observing Doctor: Ziegler _

 

_ Notes: It's unfortunate this journal isn't being taken seriously by a certain someone, but I've decided to still include copies of my logs just for reference. _

_ Aside from that, Hanzo seems to have brightened up a little, and the reason is rather clear now.  _

_ I spoke with him earlier this evening, and he told me of some troubling thoughts and memories that were coming back to him, and we discussed the event involving Genji when they got back from Japan. It makes me a bit sad to know the negative things are coming back, but the bad always comes with the good, doesn't it?  _

_ Regardless, things are steadily coming back to him, and even though it might take a little while more, I'm certain we'll have him back to his old self before the end of the year.  _

_ I'm really happy to see such improvement. _

_ This is really good.  _


	6. another chat with her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW: SUICIDE/SELF HARM MENTION**  
> the trigger warning above is probably gonna be pretty necessary bc it is mentioned in loose detail but it's nothing too bad, so this is just a heads up if that stuff bothers you guys
> 
> Angela loosely sums it up in the log at the end if you don't want to read the whole chapter!

_ April 20th _

 

_ Hanzo seems to be in a great mood lately. It's a nice change from how he was a few weeks ago. He was pretty shaken up after Genji told him what happened between them... _

_ I think he's fine now, since he hasn't mentioned it.  _

_ He liked to brood and keep things from people. _

_ Or...he used to, anyways.  _

_ I think it's awesome that Hanzo's coming back to us, but it *is* different to be around him with this new attitude of his. He doesn't seem so troubled anymore, and he's got a better outlook on things.  _

_ I wonder if he's happier like this.  _

_ Do you think Past Hanzo would be happy that Present Hanzo has changed so much?  _

_ Do you think Past Hanzo just isn't going to come back? _

_ Hanzo's memories are definitely coming back, but I know we'll never get Past Hanzo back completely. His personality isn't something he can just relearn. Present Hanzo just isn't like that anymore.  _

_ He seems to care more. Not like he didn't before, because I know he did, but now it just seems to be even more. I mean, a while back he even asked about… well. Anyways, he just seems more compassionate and caring. Not so standoffish. It's weird, but… _

_ I'm not complaining. I don't think anyone is, honestly.  _

_ He's my Hanzo, but better.  _

_ He's happy.  _

 

_ Love, D.Va _

 

 

* * *

 

 

  Hana sits out on the couch they had out on the balcony high up above the cliff face. She was glad this balcony was pretty close to her room; She loved to watch the ocean, at sunset specifically. It was so calming, hearing the ocean, seeing the orange glow around her, feeling the cool breeze, letting it blow her hair back… It cleared her mind, helped her breathe a little easier. And most of the agents were pretty nervous about coming up here since it was basically hanging over the edge of the cliff, but Hana didn't mind one bit. 

  It just meant this balcony was hers, and hers alone. She mostly came up here when she wasn't feeling well mentally, and the gorgeous view helped ease it. 

  She sighs, closing her eyes, just listening to the waves crash against the rocks. She savors the breeze coming from the ocean, letting it cool her cheeks, letting it make her shiver-

  The door slides open, and she immediately looks over, only to find Hanzo walking out, something in his hand hidden behind his back. She raises an eyebrow. “What are you doing out here?” She asks, not annoyed or anything. Hanzo offers a bit of a shrug before he sits next to her, crossing his arms so he's still hiding what he brought her. Good thing he was wearing a coat; it was easier to hide. 

  “Genji told me you liked to come out here if you weren't feeling well, and I figured, since I couldn't find you around the base…” He shrugs again. “I guessed you were out here."

  Hana smiles nervously, shrugging in response. “I mean…I'm fine,” She assures him, looking at him. But Hanzo just gives her a soft smile. 

  “I might not know much, but I know enough to be able to see when someone isn't okay,” He straightens in the chair a bit as Hana sighs, looking at her lap. Hanzo unfolds his arms, then takes what he was hiding and taps her shoulder with it. “I, uh…remembered you liked these.”

  Hana looks over when he taps her. It's a box- oh, it's a box of Pocky. Strawberry… “Wow, you even remembered the flavor I liked,” She says with a smirk, taking the box from him. “Yeah, I love these.” She pulls her legs up to her chest and opens the box, popping a biscuit into her mouth. “So,” She starts after taking a bite. “What exactly did you come out here to ask?” She looks at him. 

  Hanzo smiles softly. “I really did come to ask if you were alright. And…I want you to be honest, if you feel comfortable enough with me to do so,” He murmurs, and Hana looks away, finishing her biscuit, then taking another out of the box and offering it to Hanzo, who takes it from her and takes a bite of it.

  Hana pouts a bit, twirling a biscuit in her hand. “I mean…I  _ think _ I'm fine,” She admits quietly, taking a bite and looking at Hanzo.

  Hanzo rolls his eyes to the sky, thinking as he finishes his biscuit. “Hm…you  _ think _ ?” Hana nods. “I guess that's a start…I remember, back when we trained together the first time, I remembered something that seemed to bother you quite a lot,” He tells her, and she pauses, her body going a bit still. 

  “So that's what this is about,” She mutters, setting the box aside and wrapping her arms around her legs. Hanzo nods in confirmation. 

  “Yes, that's what this is about. I think there's something you aren't…admitting, I suppose,” He says with a little shrug, and Hana shifts a bit, her eyes going back to the ocean. “Talk to me, Hana…” He requests quietly, looking at her. 

  “I don't know what to say,” She mumbles, not looking at him. “I don't…know where to start…” Her voice has dropped to a whisper, and she seems to zone out a little bit, as if she's remembering something. Hanzo doesn't say anything for a moment. 

  Then, he speaks. “Maybe…start from the beginning?” He suggests, his tone calm, not demanding at all. 

  Hana blinks a couple times, as if snapping back into her head, and she looks at him. She smiles a bit. “Everyone knows the beginning. Me, D.Va, pro gamer,” She says with a nervous chuckle. “But, uh…I don't know why that qualified me to pilot a mech.”

  Hanzo leans back in his chair a little, listening to what she chooses to say instead of prodding for answers.

  “Maybe they thought that me working mech controls would be the same as me working with joysticks I use to game. Maybe they thought giving me a gun would be the same as me shooting someone in a game. Maybe they wanted to get more people to join the MEKA program, so they enlisted someone famous to advocate. Maybe they just thought I was expendable...just some small Korean girl who sat in her room all day, glued to her damn computer…” She looks down, hugging her legs a bit closer to her chest. “I don't know why. And I don't think they'd ever tell me. But they still chose me to be a pilot.”

  Hanzo's heart aches a little. He doesn't think she ever wanted to do this. And if she did, the glory must've faded fast.

  “It was fine at first, I guess. Just…getting rid of the bad Omnics and everything. Getting rid of those giants…” She takes a shaky breath. “My country…my home, my family, my people…I was doing it for them.” She closes her eyes.

  Hanzo shifts forward a bit. “And you did great,” He says quietly. “You helped save Korea, you know.” 

  She smiles a bit, tears starting to fill her eyes. “I know I did,” She says, her voice choked up and strained. “I have so many of those fucking medals to prove it,” She quickly wipes her eyes. “They don't mean anything to me.” 

  Hanzo leans back again, looking away for a moment. Okay, maybe that wasn't the best thing to say. Damn it…

  She doesn't say anything for a moment. Then, she looks at him. “Hanzo…have you ever been in a war?” She asks quietly, and Hanzo inhales sharply, shaking his head.

  “I haven't...well, not that I can remember anyways,” He responds honestly, and Hana smirks. 

  “Well…I don't care what anyone says. Nobody comes home the same as they were when they left.” She goes quiet, smile fading. Then, tears start sliding down her cheeks. “I was always so scared, Hanzo. I tried to pretend like I was brave and I tried to pretend to be happy so everyone else could be too, even when we were all dying. Even when we kept losing our friends.” Her voice starts shaking. “A Bastion unit destroyed my mech one day. People were shouting into the comm, asking if I was okay...I had to laugh it off like it was no big deal. But then it was just me, alone out there, right in front of the Omnic who was going to kill me.” She's trying to keep calm. “You know....I still remember how each bullet felt when it hit me.” 

  Hanzo's heart twists painfully, a pit settling in his stomach. Oh, God. He doesn't interrupt her, though.

  “I remember thinking that this was it, and that I was gonna die out there. I guess I got really lucky when a mobile Overwatch unit was nearby, and they saw me get hit. They brought me to their nearest base and they...saved me.” She sniffs, wiping her eyes. “You and Jesse were there. You were only there to pick up some dossier or something for the base we're at now, but you- you said you weren't gonna leave until you found out I was okay.”

  Hanzo goes a bit still, a sharp pain going through his head. God, did that have to happen every time? He presses the heel of his palm into his forehead, closing his eyes as he focuses on the memory. 

  Jesse was telling him they had to go. He said not to worry, that the staff would take care of her just fine, but the second Hanzo saw her, he just had to know if she was okay. He'd never seen someone that injured before, which was, frankly, surprising considering his old line of work. She was just so young, in so much pain but still putting on such a brave face for the doctors and nurses who were already starting to work on her, he just had to know if she was okay… 

  Hanzo looks at Hana after he shakes off the ache in his head. She's gone quiet, seemingly lost in thought now. She's trembling, tears still streaming steadily down her cheeks. His voice very quiet, he says she can go on if she wants to, and she doesn't respond for a moment. Then, she speaks. “I can't be brave like everyone thinks. I'm not as happy like everyone thinks I am .” She looks at him. “I'm still scared, Hanzo. Scared because…all these things in my head, the things I hate thinking of and remembering the most…it makes me think that I can't do it at all anymore.”

  Hanzo goes still. “Hana, what do you mean?” He asks quietly, immediately more concerned than he was before. 

  She just laughs a little. “I'm so tired of living like this. I saw so much, had so much happen to me. Every day I look in the mirror and see my scars…I'm just reminded of it all. And sometimes I think that I just can't- no, I  _ don't  _ want to go on anymore.”

  Another sharp pain in Hanzo's head. He ignores it. “Hana,” He whispers, moving a bit closer. She shakes her head, taking a breath.

  “I don't know if you remember…but you caught me one night…hurting myself,” Her voice goes quiet again, strained and sad, as if she hated remembering, and Hanzo's heart leaps. 

  That's what the memory is- Hana sat out here on this balcony, her army knife in her hand- Hanzo hadn't said a word, simply getting on his knees beside her, gently taking the knife, and leading her inside where he could clean her up in private. Maybe he should've said something to Angela, gotten this taken care of before it got worse… But Hana swore him to secrecy. He didn't want to give her a reason not to trust him…

  “I think you might've saved me that night. I don't know what would've happened if you didn't come find me. But…I think of these things all the time…” She closes her eyes, trying to fight off fresh tears. “What's the point if nothing is ever going to be the same again? The way it was before I left home, before I joined the army? What's the point if I just go through each day pretending that I'm okay when I'm not? Every time I feel like that…I think of you, and how you were there for me when you didn't have to be, and it just…it helps to know someone cares.”

  Hanzo sighs quietly. “Of course I was there…I may have not been very good at speaking my mind back then, but I remember that night. All I cared about was keeping you safe, because I care about  _ you _ , Hana. I-” God, don't start crying too, Hanzo, keep it together for her… “-I love you like family. I'd do anything to protect you.”

  She starts sniffling all over again, looking at him with wide, wet eyes. She doesn't know how to respond, knowing if she tried to talk that she would lose it, but when he gently rests a hand on her shoulder, wanting to comfort her…the simple touch just makes her burst into tears. 

  Fazed only slightly by the sudden outburst, Hanzo quickly pulls her into his lap, letting her bury her face in his chest as she cries, letting out years worth of bottled up pain. She wraps her arms around him, letting out painful, body-shaking sobs. It absolutely breaks Hanzo's heart to know that she's been keeping all of this in and hurting for so long, never telling  _ anyone  _ what was going on with her in her head. He may be just remembering it all over again, but it hurt just the same with each new memory that came along, letting him know what else happened, filling in the heartbreaking blanks. 

  What could he even say to make this better? He doesn't think he can. He knows that she needed to talk about this, to stop keeping it all bottled up, but he doesn't know what to really do besides sit here with her, let her get it all out. But, G od, hearing her cry like this made  _ him _ want to cry.

  And maybe he does, just a little bit, as he held her close, keeping her safe.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Patient Log Date: April 21st _

_ Patient: Agent Hana Song _

_ Observing Doctor: Ziegler _

 

_ Notes: Hanzo brought Hana in last night. She'd been crying, quite a lot, and she looked so tired…  _

_ Hanzo left her with me for the night, and she seemed too tired to argue. Either that, or she didn't want to argue at all.  _

_ I sat with her, spoke with her, and she told me all that she'd been feeling since she was relocated to our base. I felt awful- I had no idea she'd been feeling like this. She didn't give me any deep details, but she explained that her time in the army had taken an extreme toll on her and her mental health. She'd been having some very scary and unsafe thoughts, and has acted upon them a few times, but she'd been too scared to come to me. She said she didn't want to seem like she was anything other than the happy person we know. But I had to remind here there was no shame in needing help, especially after coming home from a war that was particularly scarring for her. I feel sorry she had to be in it, especially when she's so young… _

_ I decided to place her under my watch, just to be safe, and so far she's just been relaxing, calming down after such an emotional night. _

_ I'll release her later today, but I've had her agree to possibly trying out medication, and to definitely come to me weekly to work out the things she's been having such a hard time with. _

_ We all care about her, and we know how hard it was when she first got here.  _

_ I'm just sorry it took so long to notice that she'd been hurting like this.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo I've seen a lot of things going around about how people don't take into account the fact Hana was literally in the army and has probably experienced some shit during her time in the army, so I figured I'd take that and run with it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> I know this was kind of a rough one but I def wanted to let y'all know that this was how their relationship was before Hanzo lost his memory.  
> I've already gone into a bit of detail with Genji and Jesse so I figured I'd give his other relationships a shot at the spotlight


End file.
